There has been a murder in my hallway. Well, maybe not a murder; something more akin to manslaughter.
No, that’s not right, either. More like plantslaughter. Actually, INVOLUNTARY plantslaughter.
Because this is an autobiographical crime drama, I’ll confess that when the green police arrive and slap on the cuffs, they will likely discover that I’m a repeat offender. A serial plant killer…because this crime didn’t only happen in my back hallway. Separate incidents have recently occurred in my living room and my family room. And there’s definitely an impending likelihood that it will happen again in multiple other locations in my home.
Let’s just say that if you’re green and in my house, you should grow legs and run.
As you may recall from all the previously posted demolition pictures, we’ve been reinventing our house over the last year and a half. (I realize there have been few or no photos of the “afters” to go along with the “befores”…someday I’ll get there…maybe.) But while things have been inching along, I have felt the strong need to introduce live greenery into our abode.
Having plants in a home is alleged to offer all kinds of health and environmental benefits, including enhanced indoor air quality. If you harken the name of this blog, you might realize that we are perfect candidates for improved indoor air quality.
Instead, do you know what live plants brought to our home?
Fruitflies. Gnats.
And so I bought this disgusting BTK apparatus.
BTK stands for Bug, Torture, Kill.
Not only am I responsible for the demise of cheerful greenery, I have to try to watch television amid the glowing blue reminder that–as I’m trying enjoy Perry Mason reruns–some tiny insect is futilely attempting to extricate itself from the wall of sticky tape behind the blue lure. I envision the bug conversations…”How long have you been stuck here, Mac?” “Not as long as she’s been stuck on that sofa.” “You’d think she could offer us some of that pizza.”
I almost look forward to being buzzed by one of these bitty creatures and clapping it out of the air to offer it a quicker exit.
I am a terrible human.
My criminal history lay dormant for decades when, as a young wife and mother, I realized faux greenery was more my speed. But, every once in a while, the urge to purchase a plant would occur and I would quell that urge by reminding myself how the prior year’s Easter plants fared.
Last February, the pull became too strong, and I went “all in.”
I was filled with enthusiasm and excitement when they first arrived on that sunny, glorious day last winter.
Greenery!
And then, within days I began hearing the voice of the Wicked Witch of the West swimming in my brain: “The last to go will see the first three go before her…”
And so it began:
The first casualty was the “easy to grow” Calathea Medallion Prayer Plant.
Death by drowning. RIP 🪦. Took less than a month.
The Calathea Rufibarba Fuzzy Feathers battled back against intense flooding for much longer. Perhaps as long as May.
I think part of the reason it lasted longer is because the underside of the leaves are a natural burgundy that camouflaged plant distress.
However, the brown color on top of the leaves should have been a dead giveaway. ⚰️
By the time June rolled around, the Kimberly Queen Fern was dropping fronds all over my back hallway.
Honestly, by this time, I had zero idea if I was overwatering or underwatering. With Fern nearing critical condition and dropping vacuum-clogging crap all over my back hallway, my plant confidence was hovering well below zero, so I compassionately channeled my father’s “the hell with it” and moved her outside where I have COMPLETELY ignored her ever since.
Here is a photo of her from this morning:
Go figure. I guess my problem is that I care too much.
Not all is lost, however! Although they’re not ready for the cover of “Plant Week,” the Arbequina Olives are hanging in there.
Lots of olive buds appear, but I have skillfully (haha) kept them from sprouting actual olives, which is FINE with me because I don’t eat olives.
Heartened by my Arbequina “success,” I’m continuing to challenge myself to aquire SOME plant sense and am in the process of killing this second set of clearance-aisle Eugenia Topiaries.
Full disclosure: I already moved the first two heavily distressed ones to the “the hell with it” zone. I have one more healthy one as a last gasp.
And there are others in the house in varying stages of discovering whether I’m over or under watering…
although !!!! I have been having success with a few plants that seem to LOVE being neglected:
Maybe there’s hope after all!
This month’s Where Blogger’s Live topic is “Sustainability” …and while my take was a little bit of a stretch…kindly check out how my blogging buds are making the world a greener place by visiting:
Daenel at Living Outside the Stacks
Leslie at Once Upon a Time & Happily Ever After
Sally at Within a World of My Own
Iris at Iris’ Original Ramblings
Bettye at Fashion Schlub
Jodie at Jodie’s Touch of Style
Welcome to “Where Bloggers Live.” It’s kind of like HGTV’s “Celebrities at Home,” but…Bloggers!
Who doesn’t like to peek behind the scenes and see inside people’s homes?
The second Friday of each month is when this group of seven bloggers link up to share their workspaces,
homes, towns… or whatever our fearless leader, the fabulous Bettye, proposes.
Make sure you visit everyone to see where the magic happens!